Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Imperial Logic

I know, I know. It seems like half my posts are devoted to apologies or justifications (an Internet Personality/World Domination Aspirant does not concern himself with making excuses, B/S) for not writing. And that's kinda crummy, I admit.

Think about it, though: if I didn't spend all this time not blogging, my posts would go down by half. Then where would we be? Huh?

I call that Imperial Logic, Brother/Sister, and I find it to be a very effective way of settling complaints — and I expect to do a lot of complaint-settling once I come to power. After all, when you get right down to it, isn't the job of "maintaining the public order" really just complaint-settling? Tear gas and truncheons have their merits, but I've always favored winning arguments with logic, particularly the sort of logic that briefly disables the mental functioning of the complainant, affording the complainee valuable seconds to escape. Someday I hope to hire a Staff Philosopher to work full-time on the subject of Imperial Logic, but right now I don't have the dollars.

Anyway, I know you're on pins and needles, B/S, so I promise you: I'll write with actual news in the next couple days. I just can't do it in this post, because it would screw with the "half my posts" premise up there in the first paragraph. That would in turn debunk the Imperial Logic in the second paragraph, rendering the third paragraph nonsensical and causing me to have to rewrite this fourth paragraph midstream. And I've already got a lot of momentum going in this fourth paragraph.

So please accept that actual content is forthcoming, but content yourself (ha! pun!) now with my apologies and justifications for the delay. More tomorrow. Or the next day.


Anonymous said...

I come here after reading Quicksilver Sulfide because I either need to rant in response to that Bush apologist bunk or find solace in something more reasoned.

But there's nothing here. Damn you Phutatorius!

And that word verifcation thing down below that ensures I'm not some computer program set to spam the blogosphere has me confused: It puts up "tzaqbisu". Am I just supposed to type "not a word". Because it's not. I don't get it.

Phutatorius said...

It's been so long, Anonyme, since we talked. And I agree, this is partly my fault.

But we've been busy bees (sort of) at Phutatorius & Co. As you'll see, we've added some neat features into our website. Note the wheelchair symbol down there in the corner of the comment section: that signifies that our site is handicap-accessible and fully compliant with the Americans for Disabilities Act.

When you click on the wheelchair symbol, your computer barks out a jarring non sequitur of numbers in different voices. You may find this grating and to no purpose, Good Anonyme, but that's only because you're not differently abled. Disabled persons find this recital of digits soothing and calming to the nerves. It's called choral auditory numerotherapy, and it's all the rage in the physical rehabilitation literature.

Could we put the proceeds of our World Domination Fund to more immediate use? Probably, but it warms my heart that my disabled readers can have these numbers shouted at them over their computer speakers. When I'm running The Show, I will always prioritize Benevolence over Efficiency. You can count on that.